The Password Requirements So Stringent, Even NASA Would Be Puzzled

Have you ever encountered those mind-numbing levels of security for creating a website password? You know, that excruciating moment when you try to make a straightforward password, but the security measures are so absurdly stringent, they would probably give even the egghead crowd at NASA a run for their money. It’s as if you were concocting a password for a nuclear missile code or the US president’s football. Of course, who wouldn’t want a login password that’s more secure than the Pentagon?

The epitome of such absurd requirements is when they demand your password include three capital letters. Seriously, who came up with this dreadful rule? Was it some moth-eaten computer geek locked in the basement brimming with algorithmic monogamy? You can bet there’s somebody out there with the password: ‘AbCdEfG,’ and feeling incredibly secure in knowing that their multiple capital letters almost certainly exude impregnability.

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But wait, there’s more. Not only one or two, but three! capital letters. Yes! I can already see the huddled groups of elite hackers scratching their heads, utterly confounded by the complexity of your password. They’ve suddenly had to double their efforts against password-cracking by incorporating towering combinations of upper case alphabets. Revolutionizing!

And if you think the triad-of-capital-letters was the zenith of password security, boy, you’re in for a surprise. How about a haiku? Yes, you read it right! A frickin’ 17-syllable ancient Japanese form of poetry. Marvel at the sheer brilliance of integrating cultural nuances into cybersecurity! Wouldn’t that just sew up all possible crevices for those pesky hackers? ‘SnowFallOnRoses / MidnightKissesUnderStars / PasswordRejected;’ get used to the frustration of poem-ing your way into your own account.

Now let’s toss in some mythical elixirs. A password requirement that requires a droplet of dragon blood! I’m not exactly sure where cybersecurity overlapped ancient sorcery, but what’s a perfect password without a little mythical immortality? Did I miss the memo where Silicon Valley aligned itself with Middle Earth? Somebody better get Bilbo on the phone!

And finally, for your password to be accepted, it must be hollered into the void! Screaming passwords into the abyss so that they echo in great cosmic frequencies should definitely confuse the alien hackers, right? It’s only logical. If your neighbours weren’t aware of your mental breakdown before, now they’re definitely certain of it.

Inclusion of such requirements begs the question: Are we fortifying our passwords or creating a mystic chant to summon a deity? Hurry up – your cult members are waiting for you to unlock the portal to the great beyond.

Sarcasm aside, complexity in passwords is a vital necessity in today’s digital era. There is always a battle between usability and security. A formidable password will include a mix of uppercase and lower-case letters, mixed with numbers and special characters. So, by all means, have those secure passwords…just maybe without the haikus, void-hollering and the dragon blood sacrifice.

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