LoJack – The U-Haul Edition

Oh boy, this one’s a real doozy. So, on a sunny February 4th in 2025 – yes, winter’s still a thing, surprisingly – someone’s apparently bright idea of a fun morning activity was to go on a joy ride…in a U-Haul truck. Yep, let that sink in for a second.

This Einstein hit Rockside Rd – a place that could only be more nondescript if it tried – found himself a whole truck full of fun. Report comes in at 10:25 AM for a stolen truck, and officers handle it in the most exciting way possible – filing a stolen vehicle packet. I mean, you just can’t script this kind of thrill ride, can you?

And let me just say, if you’re going to steal a car, maybe don’t choose something as noticeable as a bloody U-Haul truck. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but I’ve always believed that the key to a successful crime spree is subtlety, not parading around town in a truck with a giant advertisement on the side. But hey, what do I know?

Well, surprisingly, this criminal mastermind’s plan doesn’t go as smoothly as expected. Apparently, ‘Criminal 101′ didn’t teach ’em how to shake the fuzz – probably because driving a stolen U-Haul truck around is about as low-key as wearing a neon sign saying, “I did it.”

And, to save us all from the suspense, the truck was, drumroll please…found! Apparently, an address in Cleveland was the final resting place for this ill-fated grand theft auto spinoff. Police process the vehicle, and you can almost hear the sigh of relief from our daring detective bureau.

Pack your bags, folks – crime has been officially solved. The truck was returned to U-Haul, probably with only minimal damage and maybe a couple of new aromas. Seriously, people, find a new hobby.

This hard-hitting fact fest brought to you by “Surely You Can’t Be Serious News”… because really, can you believe this shit actually happens?

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