From your trusty neighborhood online shopper, welcome to another saga so absurd and fascinating, you really can’t make this shit up.

So, I decide to try out pickup for my takeout because… hey, why not? Seemed easier. Little did I know that my harmless intention would spiral into a comedy of errors with a side of audacity.

🔥 From the Spill By Bill Shop

Don’t Worry, I’m Offended By You Too. Don’t Worry, I’m Offended By You Too.
Price range: $18.50 through $24.50
I’M NOT ARGUING. I’M EXPLAINING WHY YOU’RE WRONG. I’M NOT ARGUING. I’M EXPLAINING WHY YOU’RE WRONG.
Price range: $40.00 through $45.00
Rant Mode On. Polo Rant Mode On. Polo
Price range: $28.50 through $34.50

I place my order online, thinking I’m in control. Turns out, I’m also the cashier. Because when you do pickup these days, you’re basically doing half the job — no dine-in, no delivery, just you showing up to claim your food. And yet, at checkout, there it was: a $7.00 tip.

For who? Me? You’d think. But oh no — that tip went to the same worker who tried to short me the drink that came with the meal.

I had ordered a Coke. Simple, right? Apparently not. When I ask for it, the guy tells me, flat out, “There’s no Coke.” Meanwhile, he’s literally pulling a Pepsi out of the case, and right there next to it — boom — a perfectly chilled Coke, shining like a holy relic. I point it out, but he still insists: “There’s no Coke.” Even better? They had fountain pop too. But he stood his ground like he was defending state secrets.

End result? I walked out with a can of Pepsi and the sneaking suspicion I just tipped a guy $7 to gaslight me over soda.

So there you have it — my ridiculous run-in with B & M Bar B Que’s online ordering system. Where the tip doesn’t go to you, the service doesn’t cover the full order, and the only thing you walk away with is the realization that you’ve been played.

Until the next delicious disaster, this is William Thomas, dodging tip traps and sipping disappointment.

Another day, another dollar… or seven, in added tips – by William Thomas.

You Can’t Make This Shit Up!

Written By:
William Thomas

This isn’t rage—it’s truth with the volume turned up.

☕ Drop a coffee in the tip jar — because sarcasm and hosting fees don’t pay themselves.
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