In God We Trust, But Not Every Quarter
Ah, the sprawling metropolis of Market Square. Crime-ridden? Perhaps not. But a hotbed of high-level intrigue? Absolutely.
In a scene straight out of a hard-boiled detective novel or perhaps, an unreleased episode of “CSI: Coin Investigation”, our brave protector of peace was called upon to investigate a 25 cent piece. That’s right, a quarter. You can almost hear the 911 operator stifling a chuckle while meticulously jotting down: “Possible rogue quarter in Market Square”.
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Our local law enforcement, undeterred by the potential magnitude of this case, showed their commitment to peace, order, and sanity by actually dispatching an officer to inspect the ‘dangerous’ currency. Imagine the officer’s relief when after a thorough examination, it turned out that the culprit was nothing more sinister than George Washington’s trusty profile imprinted on a piece of metal that spends most of its life lodged in sofa crevices or the bottom of handbags.
Spare a thought for our heroic boys and girls in blue who put their lives on the line every day, fearlessly going toe-to-toe against suspicious coins. Let this serve as a reminder of the dangers that lurk in our everyday lives, even within our own pocket change. I’m genuinely looking forward to the bulk of 911 calls being about dime crimes, nickel thefts, and penny pilferers.
You can’t make this shit up, folks. The police blotter has credited us with another cracker of a story, proving once again that reality is quite possibly stranger and funnier than any fiction. Stay vigilant and remember, if you see a coin… just let it be. Unless it’s a rare coin, then you better grab that sucker and head to the pawn shop.
Written By:
William Thomas
This isn’t rage—it’s truth with the volume turned up.
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