I’d Like to Unsubscribe From Explaining Why I’m Unsubscribing

There’s a particular kind of unsubscribe page that asks why you’re leaving. You clicked a link specifically requesting fewer interactions with this business, and its immediate response is to begin another one.

Please tell us what went wrong.

Nothing went wrong. There was an email. You didn’t want it. This seemed like something the unsubscribe button might be qualified to handle.

But now you’re looking at a list of possible reasons. Too many emails? Content not relevant? Didn’t sign up? Somewhere, somebody has decided that leaving a mailing list should include a modest exit interview.

It’s promotional email. You’re not resigning as regional manager.

The reason can be hard to explain anyway. Maybe you bought a shower curtain and the transaction felt complete. You have the curtain. They have the money. The bathroom is handling the rest. There wasn’t an obvious need to keep developing this relationship.

Yet here’s another message about refreshing your space.

Your space is fine.

Some unsubscribe pages do exactly what they should: confirm you’re off the list. Beautiful. A small administrative matter resolved without anybody discovering more about themselves.

The more ambitious ones offer a preference center.

You thought you were receiving emails from a store. It turns out you’ve been participating in several distinct communications programs. Offers. Product news. Inspiration. Updates. These distinctions presumably mean something inside the building. In your inbox, they all mean the store is here again.

Now you have to inspect the checkboxes carefully. Does a checked box mean you want that category, or that you want to unsubscribe from it? This is worth getting right. You don’t want a brief lapse in concentration to renew your enthusiasm for seasonal inspiration.

Then there’s the compromise: would you prefer fewer emails?

That’s a reasonable option for someone who wants fewer emails. It’s an odd counteroffer to someone who just requested none. You shouldn’t have to negotiate a visitation schedule with a place that sells bath mats.

The strange part is how much attention the whole process demands. An unwanted email takes a second to delete. Preventing the next unwanted email can require opening a browser, reviewing categories, making selections, and finding the button that actually saves them.

So sometimes you just delete it. Again. The easiest way to manage the mailing list is to remain on the mailing list and personally dispose of everything it sends.

That’s quite a system.

And if the page insists on a reason, the most useful option is usually missing: I thought clicking unsubscribe covered this.

No hard feelings. Keep the shower-curtain money. We’re square.