The Package Arrived. Apparently I Have an Opinion Now

You order something online. It arrives. Before you’ve figured out where you put the scissors, an email asks you to rate your purchase.

Five stars? The thing is still in a box.

The store knows the package was delivered, which is useful information. But somewhere along the way, “delivered” became “thoroughly evaluated by a customer.” Those are different events. One involves a tracking number. The other may require plugging the thing in.

Sometimes the request asks for a photo. Sure. Here’s a picture of a brown box on the floor. It appears to be holding something. Promising start.

Reviews are helpful when somebody has actually used the product. Does the lamp work? Does the zipper break? Does the chair remain a chair after a week? These are things another shopper might want to know. “Arrived Tuesday” is less of a review and more of a shipping update with stars attached.

And what exactly am I rating? The product? The delivery? The packing tape? If the item works beautifully but the box got left in the rain, is that four stars for the item or one star for the weather?

There’s also the awkward possibility that the thing requires assembly. The review request has arrived before the instruction sheet has made sense. A person could be staring at twelve identical screws and a diagram of a happy family, while an email cheerfully asks whether they’d recommend the purchase.

I’d like to know what the extra screw is for first.

To be fair, a reminder makes sense. People forget to leave reviews, and other shoppers benefit from honest ones. But the timing makes it feel as though the store is waiting just outside the door with a clipboard. The package has barely touched the mat. Give it a minute.

Maybe I’ll love it. Maybe it’ll stop working the second time I use it. Right now, the most I can say is that the box exists, and I’m reasonably confident it contains what I ordered.

Four stars for the cardboard. I haven’t tested it in the rain.