Darwin’s Loophole: A Love Letter to the Loud and Wrong

Ah, Stupid People—modern society’s most reliable source of unintentional comedy. You walk among us, loud and proud, armed with nothing but confidence and confusion. You are not just a demographic; you are a phenomenon. A performance art piece. A walking, talking glitch in the evolution matrix.

Let us raise a sarcastic toast to your enduring contributions.

🔥 From the Spill By Bill Shop

I OFFEND, THEREFORE I AM.

$40.00 – $45.00Price range: $40.00 through $45.00

View Product

SpillByBill polo shirt

$25.00 – $32.50Price range: $25.00 through $32.50

View Product

Reality Check: Failed

$28.50 – $34.50Price range: $28.50 through $34.50

View Product

You, who believe the Earth is flat because “it looks flat when I’m standing on it.”
You, who microwave aluminum foil because a guy named CryptoKyle47 promised a free Tesla.
You, who proudly proclaim “I do my own research” while citing memes with Comic Sans and zero punctuation.
You are the reason warning labels exist on shampoo bottles.

From the overconfident loudmouths on Facebook comment threads to the magnificent gas station philosophers holding court about lizard people and vaccine microchips—thank you. Your nonsense is the seasoning on society’s otherwise bland casserole.

Let’s not forget your life-hack ingenuity: fixing car radiators with pepper, boiling eggs with a hairdryer, or using duct tape as a birth control device. Somewhere, a caveman is banging a rock in disappointment.

And of course, the politicians. Oh, the politicians. How blessed we are by their endless supply of word salad and brain-fogged logic. Every speech is a grab bag of grammatical mayhem and factual faceplants. But they look confident, so you cheer. And vote. Again. And again. And again.

You challenge the very core of Darwin’s theory, and frankly, you might be winning. He probably should’ve included an asterisk: Does not apply to people who think bleach is a smoothie ingredient.

We haven’t even touched your academic contributions—like the theory that birds are government drones or that dinosaurs never existed because “the Bible doesn’t mention velociraptors.” You truly make science exciting again.

And let’s give a round of applause to the social media prophets who learned geopolitics from a 12-second TikTok and now believe World War III will start because Mercury’s in retrograde and a squirrel ran past their car.

But here’s the brutal truth: without you, the world would be quieter. Smarter, maybe. Safer, definitely. But also less entertaining. Because every foot-in-mouth moment, every backwards epiphany, every time you proudly declare “I don’t trust experts,” you make the rest of us feel… almost functional.

So shine on, you glorious dingbats. Keep redefining logic. Keep giving us reasons to facepalm so hard we slap our souls. You are not the heroes we asked for—but dammit, you are the jesters we deserve.

Stay loud. Stay wrong. Stay special.

1